Podcast – Self-harming advice to parents Hearing that your child is self-harming, or discovering marks is one of the hardest things in the world, and it would certainly rank highly among the hardest things a parent ever has to deal with.
Approaching the topic with sensitivity and care is of the utmost importance, and in this podcast we hear from a mother who has undergone this process. We talk about the important topics: · How do you react? · What do you do? · Where can you seek help? · What are the warning signs? · How do you try to understand it? Unless you have been there, in that mindset, it is almost impossible to empathise or understand why someone you love could be hurting themselves.
You must bear in mind that you will (most likely) be in the fortunate position of never having gone through it yourself, so attempting to provide emotional support by saying you understand can be frustrating. You may also not understand why self-harming is the ‘quick-fix’ that many people describe it to be, and you shouldn’t attempt to. Showing love and support is often, outside of seeking external or professional help, one of the best ways to help. Show the person struggling some love, but don’t make them feel like they have to reciprocate it, or even accept it. Often, knowing someone is there for you makes the world of difference, it might not help with the self-harming, but it is reassuring to know that someone cares.
Here, you could research the ’5 love languages’ to work out which would be best to demonstrate affection to your child or friend. Never make them feel embarrassed or ashamed for self-harming, this will be counterproductive, and most likely make the inflicted harm worse. Encourage your child to show you their marks, even if it is painful for you to see, it is important that they are treating the wounds with care, otherwise they could risk infection. Most importantly, never be disgusted or angry at them for their self-harming actions, as this risks them concealing wounds. Encourage them to be open and transparent with you about their feelings, emotions, wounds and scars, but don’t be forceful if they are hesitant.
Be proud of them when they have time clean from harming, but be wary of criticising or berating them for relapsing or breaking. It is important to also recognise the helplessness you can feel as a parent watching your child or a friend go through this. Often, you may find that you need to talk to someone or get some support to better help your child. There is a wealth of information online, but we are also offering ourselves for chats about any of the topics we have mentioned today, and if you are struggling, please, please, talk to us. If you, or someone you know needs urgent help, contact the Samaritans, free, on 116 123. If there is an emergency, please phone 999.
Showing love and support is often one of the best ways to help, outside of seeking external or professional help. HKA Team xxx
